History

Not so very long ago I was in a D/s relationship that was as 24/7 as one could have it without living together. And then one day, himself broke my heart in a billion leeetle pieces.

You see, he was the first person that I trusted with EVERY part of me. And, if you've ever done any power exchange, you know how much trust you can give someone. We did not have safewords, ever. There was no thing i would not do for him, so what was the point? My trust in him was so great that I knew he could walk me juuuuuust beyond that edge of my comfort zone and take me new places without pushing me too far. I would fly and fly and fly, drunk on endorphins and trusted him to stop before i was seriously damaged.

Pure. Bliss.

It ended though. And messily. Not all of it his fault, of course. Some on my part too. Life is never black and white.

So, here i am. A girl with no Dom. It's very difficult to try and find someone who wants to do terrible things to me that isn't:
A) over two hours away
B) a complete PSY-CHO!
C) totally wigged out by the fact that i'm actually happily married.

and a list of other things that are just too numerous to go into. Basically, it's a pain in the ass.

Where am I going with this? Right to Bitchfestland. Tonight makes the SECOND time in TWO WEEKS that I've been stood up. I know I'm not exactly some awe inspiring beauty, but i'm not fucking dogmeat either. Regardless of my own self-confidence issues, most people tend to think I'm attractive. So...WTF?

I'm so frustrated. Is it too much to ask that there is someone NEARBY who trips my trigger and wants to use me like a total whore? I don't think so. I don't think it's a very large request at all.

Twice. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. *SIGH* And this is supposed to HELP me trust someone again?

*throws hands up in the air and stomps off to eat chocolate and masturbate furiously to memories of blissful moments in the past*